“A man who treats his wife like a princess is proof he was born and raised in the arms of a queen.” ~ Unknown

We mothers-in-law get a bad rap! No, that is not a typo. Yes, it is the mothers and not the laws who are plural in this case, similar to attorneys-at-law. It sounds just as awkward as the relationship itself can be sometimes. I like to think of myself as a most wonderful mother-in-law, but the truth is I am most blessed to have the best daughters-in-law in the world. I have three sons and three chances to get it right. And I have one example that I am trying to follow: Tava Kathryn Elkins.

Graceful, elegant, and always a lady, Tava has never infringed upon me in 39 years of marriage. Even when we practically lived next door to one another she would never drop in unannounced. I was a young bride, eager to please everyone and totally intimidated by this Grand Matriarch. About the only thing I could do well was to keep a clean house. My own mother and grandmother were both fanatics when it came to housekeeping and had made sure I would follow in their footsteps. I was proud that I had the shiniest commodes of anyone on Moffett Lane!

But Tava could cook and bake and The Sweetheart loved her special dishes that he had grown up with all his life. I couldn’t compete with homemade chicken and noodles and hand-rolled pie crusts that were so flaky they melted in your mouth. She didn’t mean to appear intimidating, but to me she was Julia Child and Donna Reed all rolled into one. Her hair was NEVER out-of-place, EVER. You can still show up at her house anytime of the day or night and she will always be well dressed and her hair in perfect condition. I have never even seen her barefoot! She has been that way for the entire 40 years I have been privileged to know her.

Her daughter and daughters-in-law are forever indebted for her endless hours of babysitting services. Mamaw Tava kept every game and toy that her kids ever owned so it was a thrill for the grandkids to go to Mamaw’s house and play with the same things that their dad and mom had played with as a child. And there were always cookies, of course there were homemade cookies, it was Mamaw’s house!

In August of 2001, Tava was outside her home in the hot sun watering flowers and pulling weeds; all the things she loved to do on a warm summer day. Her husband, Dick, had been sick for several years with amyloidosis, a debilitating and terminal disorder in which abnormal proteins build up in tissues and organs. It had slowly drained him of his strength and stamina and he could not get around very well at all by himself. They had given him only months to live with his original diagnosis and he surpassed it by five years! We were blessed to still have him.

What we did not know was that Tava had fallen in the back yard and could not get up. She was calling out to Dick but he couldn’t hear her because of the air conditioner and the television. She managed to use her elbows to drag herself through the pea gravel and sit up but the pain was excruciating and the heat was unbearable, she was afraid she was going to pass out. People were passing by on the road and she could swing one arm but they thought she was sitting and working in her flowers and waving at them, so they waved back!

Over ninety minutes had passed before my sister-in-law, who lived behind them, came home and found her. Tava had broken BOTH of her wrists and an elbow in this fall. We were just thankful that she had not broken a hip or had a stroke from lying in the heat for an hour and a half!

If that were the entire story it would be difficult enough for a 75 year old woman to deal with. But she had also just finished her chemotherapy treatments for breast cancer and was still taking radiation therapy! Taking care of her husband was a full-time job and she was determined not to let breast cancer interfere with his care. But now she had two casts on her arms and could not take care of herself, let alone care for him.

Three weeks later, on August 19, 2001, Charles Richard Elkins passed away peacefully. This lady, who had never had a driver’s license, was married to this strong giant of a man for over 50 years. There she sat by his casket with two casts on her arms, it all seemed so much to bear. We were afraid she would fall apart. She had a very large home, was she going to be able to live there by herself?

She has proved us all wrong and did her best to carry on with her life as the strong, independent woman of God she has always been. When Dick first passed away, she was going to church as much as five times a week! Jumping in the car with all her different children or grandchildren kept her busy. She was a full-time member of two churches, one that her son pastored in one city and another her daughter and her husband pastored in another small town 45 minutes away. So at one time on Sundays she would ride to Sunday School 30 minutes away, get back just in time to go with her daughter to her church in the afternoon and then back in time to go again for evening service!

A couple of years ago she had a large mole on her forearm cause her concern. Her family doctor told her it was nothing to worry about but it kept getting bigger. Finally, she told her daughter to make her an appointment with a dermatologist, she thought it should be looked at because it had gotten so big and was bleeding. The doctor removed the bandage Tava had covered it with and was shocked at what he saw. He grabbed a camera and asked if he could take a picture. The growth was 10 mm, the size of a small grape! 

The doctor confirms melanoma and referred her to a plastic surgeon in Indianapolis. Because of the length of time she had the growth, the size, and depth, they are speculating it was going to be in her lymph nodes. We were preparing for the worst. The night before the surgery, she tells me that she doesn’t expect just because she is a Christian that God should spare her from things like this. She also knows that just because she has already had breast cancer shouldn’t mean she would not necessarily get it again. She had learned to trust God no matter the situation; He always knew what was best. She doesn’t want to question God but knows that maybe by her experience someone may see the Lord is walking with her and be encouraged. If she could be used in some small way then it would be worth it.

The plastic surgeon does a fantastic job on her arm and then we just wait for the pathology reports to come back. When the call came I happened to be the one to answer and I even asked the nurse to repeat everything twice. I could actually hear her smiling through the receiver, she was as happy and surprised as I was, there was no cancer, it was all contained! All Tava could say was, “God has been good to me again, hasn’t He?!”

Tava still has an active ministry. She is in charge of sending cards of get well and encouragement for her church and is never late. She is famous for her expert handwriting skills, and she is proud to be a lefty!

Respect has to be earned they say, well Tava has earned my respect. Not because of what she has gone through but because of who she is. But what I am most thankful for is that she has given me a most precious gift. She truly gave me a husband who, for better or worse, has always treated me like a princess. He’s not a “mama’s boy”, but yet truly respects and honors his mother. I am thankful for what she has given our family. I honor you, Tava, for all that your hands have done.

“Many women do noble things but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done.” Proverbs 31:30-31

Note: This post was written in 2013 for Mother’s Day. Tava Kathryn (Bruner) Elkins passed away Friday, January 4, 2019. You can read the most recent post about her and her legacy here.