One of my best friends in the world is my guest here at Hope in the Healing today! My friend, Joy Terrell, is a survivor and you will be forever blessed by her words. She lives with chronic illness and has been a lifeline for me the past few years in dealing with fibromyalgia and my SI issues. I have quoted her famous line many times that she uses to encourage me when I think that MY ailments and struggles are not as BIG or important as hers: “Just because I have two broken legs and you only have one doesn’t mean that YOUR broken leg hurts any less.” Enjoy this real, raw and encouraging post and please share.
I live at the intersection of Faith and Chronic Illness. I have never really cared for the neighborhood; however, I do not know how to move elsewhere. I have been living here for almost 30 years, yet it has never felt comfortable, or too homey.
I was born into a family with a strong Christian heritage. My family’s religious beliefs defined so much about who we were, and still are. Our upbringing was all about things being black or white, with no room for gray. Either you fit neatly inside our beliefs or something was wrong with your love for God.
As an adult, I have found that this seemingly simple way of approaching spiritual matters sometimes has me in a quandary.
I have been diagnosed with several autoimmune disorders, including rheumatoid arthritis (RA) and lupus. These chronic, debilitating, and painful diseases have affected every facet of my life. Things are drastically different from the ideal life I had imagined. I cannot say it is all for the worse. RA and lupus have taught me enough about compassion and empathy to merit at least a Master’s degree in each!
Now, to get to the topic at hand, having a chronic disease has had a major impact on the spiritual side of my life. I really do believe in God, and in His power to miraculously heal and deliver. I also believe in His ability to walk alongside and give grace to go through the valley.
Many Christians believe that God will always come with healing or deliverance. The scripture in James even lays out a formula, “Is any among you afflicted? Let him pray…Is any sick among you? Let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up…” (James 5:13-15, KJV.) Sounds simple enough, right? However, why does it not always happen this way? This question has caused me a great deal of emotional stress!
Many ministers, as well as saints in the pews, have prayed for my healing. Seemingly, every revival or special service included a session of prayer for my physical needs. Nevertheless, my condition only continued to become more disabling.
Because the Bible seems clear about healing, the conclusion reached by many is that there must be something amiss in my spirit.
Maybe I do not have faith. That assumption is quite puzzling. I think I have faith. Maybe I just need more of it. How and where is it that I get more? (They do not offer it for sale at Amazon.com!) Maybe my problem is that I am a realist. Either it truly happens, or it does not. I have a problem understanding Sister Saint, who claims healing from her migraines only to show up at the next service wanting prayer for her migraines. What is up with that? I guess I am being transparent here. My interest is in the real deal.
Others have wondered if I just do not want healing. I must enjoy living this way. After all, I can just sit at home and draw disability. I have a great excuse to attend services at my convenience. Oh, what a life it is!
Maybe I like the attention of others. Perhaps I do not really have a disease, but am just “overly sensitive”. I am not joking; I have actually heard it all. These kinds of reactions can really do a number on a person. Regrettably, I have to say it is usually my fellow Christians drawing these conclusions.
In order to maintain my belief in the goodness of God and others, I have had to work through some tough questions. Why am I continually trudging through this valley? The simple answer is, “I don’t know.”
I do know that it is NOT a punishment from God.
We are subject to diseases, bad genes, and other things because we are fallen creatures. Life is no longer a perfect paradise. I also know that through it, I have learned a great deal about others and myself. I have learned that God’s grace really is enough to get me through any given day. I can walk in the assurance that God will give the measure of strength each day requires.
Why do folks with chronic illness find themselves being the subject of some not-so-nice comments?
It is an instinct people use to insulate themselves from the reality that bad things could also happen to them. People do not want to face the harsh truth of chronic disease. It is easier to blame and isolate the sufferer than it is to get too close to the facts. If they can ignore it, it cannot affect them. People blessed with good health cannot begin to comprehend life on this side. It is not their fault; it just is what it is.
I feel compelled to remind all of us not to judge a situation we have never experienced.
Remember, the only people who want a truthful answer to “How are you?” are your doctor and your mother!
It is more comfortable for almost everyone else to hear, “I am fine”. Living with chronic illness often becomes a lonely place. Folks around you have moved on, but your reality remains.
How can I cope with all of this? I need to know I am not alone. There are plenty of you out there walking down a similar path. We understand each other! We know how to share compassion. We know how to listen, really listen to each other. We know how to encourage each other. We can share in the good and the bad times.
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Being alone with thoughts is not a good plan.
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Dwelling on what has happened, and the losses suffered, solves nothing.
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Fretting about what might be is a waste of energy.
It is important to live in the present. It is only physically possible to get through one day at a time anyway.
It is important to continue to feel useful to others. Find someone you can help. It does not need to be some huge, difficult thing. Simply sending a card can make someone’s day. Pay it forward in some unexpected way, like paying for someone’s order at your favorite drive thru place. These acts of kindness are a blessing to the recipient, as well as the doer. Try it!
Most importantly, I need to find a place in God that is right for me. This meeting place of faith and disease should not be a place of guilt, or blame. I have to know that God’s love and faithfulness are unconditional. (Take some time to think on that. It is almost more than I can comprehend.)
My spiritual walk is mine alone. I need to be at peace with it. God is not keeping a scorecard. There are no boxes to check off. I am not forsaking my commitment, or leaving my spirituality to wither away. Here comes that reality thing again! I can only do what I can do. God knows the path I walk, and understands my struggles. My spirituality may look a shambles in the eyes of man, but I humbly pray that God sees me with eyes of understanding and compassion.
Be blessed today!
Joy is a graduate of Purdue University School of Pharmacy. She is a licensed pharmacist, in early retirement. She is married to her favorite guy, Doug. They are “pet parents” to a golden retriever, Jack, and to Kenzi, a golden doodle. Joy has served her church family as a Sunday school teacher, church secretary/treasurer, board member, and a willing helper.
You might also like He Heals Me, He Heals Me Not, along the same subject lines. Blessings.
Sharing with #TellHisStory
I enjoyed your article. I am a Christian with lupus and fibromyalgia. My pain and fatigue are very unpredictable. I find myself too exhausted to get up and go to church many Sundays, which makes me feel very guilty. I beat myself up over it. I do read the Bible and try to encourage others (especially my children) to know Jesus. I feel like I have failed them because I was not able to consistently able to take them to church every Sunday because I was simply too exhausted. I pray that God forgives me and helps their hardened hearts. Thanks for listening.
Hi Joy,
Thanks for sharing this! Reading the last paragraph, brought tears to my eyes and a smile on my face. I have not come across something so uplifting and emotional in recent times. I feel more positive and optimistic.
I really empathize with you and your family. You have to take care of your child’s physical needs. There is no shame in seeking out medical help.
I am sorry your pastor can’t see the guilt and pain he causing you. I have to believe his intentions are good. I pray you find a way to have an open and honest conversation. Your continued faith in God, despite your reality, is a testament to your faith. It can feel so alone, but God has not forgotten you.
Donna,
I couldn’t agree with you more! I have to think the ones making such comments have not thought through how it affects the hearer. I try to tell myself their intentions are good. This becomes an intimate situation, dealt with in your heart between you and your savior. Keep putting one foot in front of the other!
Joy
Hi Joy, I came across this page again this morning, unfortunately my pain continues marking 18 years now. Yes, I’ve been prayed for and prayed thru more times than I can remember. I’ve accepted my fate until God sees fit to heal either way. I think the hardest thing that I’ve had to deal with are good meaning fellow Christians who compound my physical pain with spiritual pain by statements such as “I don’t understand why God has not healed you, for we have been praying & fasting for you for years. Bible says, “according to your faith be it unto you.” I know they mean well but it challenges my faith even more. So, everyone please b careful of the words you speak .
Wow, what a difficult subject to deal with. I very much appreciate your take on this. My son was born with VATER/VACTERL association. T fistula/ esophageal atresia and trachial malasia. Basically because of his illnesses, the common cold can easily land him in the ICU for a week within 24 hours of the first cough. We have had to deal with being the constant focus of “full healing” prayer from our church for 4 years now. Not that we don’t appreciate it, but it makes it awkward when the senior pastor is always hearing from God that our son is going to receive complete healing, when I’ve heard no such thing myself, and have learned to be ok with that at this point. Of course my wife and I still pray for our son, but we also have to live in the reality of putting him on oxygen and rushing him to the hospital when he doesn’t miraculously recover and have his physiology completely altered overnight.
So glad you did Jean! My fibro is out of control right now too, I understand the difficulty. I will remember you in prayer that God will give you strength. Also good to find another Lilla Rose consultant! ♥
Jean,
Thank you for reading and commenting on this post. It’s often a relief to find we are not alone in dealing with a chronic illness. Feelings of inadequacy, and even guilt, can take a toll on you. I pray you find a balance that allows you to take care of yourself. I don’t believe God is judging you for an illness that is beyond your control. Praying for you to have peace about your situation.
Blessings,
Joy
I just happened to “stumble” across you site while searching for articles on dealing with faith & chronic illness. I’ve had fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis & several other health problems for close to 15 years now. I’m currently enduring a flare up of the fibro & struggling with it’s effects on my church attendance, family responsibilities etc.
It is such a blessing to find someone who is of the same faith (UPCI) who truly understands how combining a chronic illness with a strong belief in God can be a bit of a balancing act.
Thank you Sis Nanette for sharing this moving message & thank you Sis Joy for putting your thoughts & feeling to paper!
Joy, I have shared many of your experiences. I’m now 52 and have spent most of my life with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and for the last 9 years, recurring mononucleosis. For the last 8 years I have been the sole care giver for my schizophrenic brother. The rest of my “christian” family refused to care for him, so that has been my task. Now I have chronic acid reflux and insomnia (I usually sleep less than 5 hours, often not at all), am dirt poor (too frail to hold down a regular job) and socially isolated by my and my brother’s illness. My future prospects look bleak. During periods of better health I trained as a biologist, so I have a reasonable comprehension of science and the human body. Thousands of times I have cried out to God for help … and my life has only got worse. It has made me question every aspect of my Christian world view. I think many Christians live in a comfortable delusion, propped up by good health, good fortune and limited scientific comprehension. My world view has shifted much over the last three decades; I can now look back at my former Christian fundamentalist beliefs and see that a large portion of it was nonsense based on ignorance, wishful thinking and church culture. I still believe that God made this universe and I still believe in the central tenets of the Christian faith, but, by decades of experience, I now know that God seldom rescues human beings from suffering. Yes, He does very, very rarely intervene, but He mostly leaves us to journey through suffering. He is vastly more intelligent than us, so He must has a reason for it, but it stumps me! People who believe in God’s blessing and healing are either very young, very stupid or have had a life time of good health and good fortune and so attribute this to God’s intervention rather than natural processes (whereas it is most likely the latter cause), so they have no idea how to relate to or comprehend chronic suffering. How do the unlucky and unfortunate sustain a benevolent view of God? It is very near impossible if you have a reasoning and analytical mind.
Thank you Angie! Very nice comment.
Thank you for sharing Joy – it’s a wonderful post! And thank you Nannette for networking with us on the CLIMB!
Angie
http://www.godsgrowinggarden.com/2014/08/september-2014-chain-linky-climb-blog.html
Hi Patty!
Thanks for reading this post, and for your comment.
I am blessed with some great forever friends. You’re on the list. 🙂
Feel free to share the blog post with anyone who might benefit from it. Seems there are a lot of people going through similar situations.
Hugs to you!
Joy
Heather,
Thank you so much for taking time to read and comment on my post. You certainly have had a front row seat to witness God’s ability to heal. You have also experienced God walking with you through your current struggle with fibromyalgia. It is beyond our understanding, but God has a purpose in us in both cases. It is easy for some to overlook the great amount of faith necessary to maintain a relationship with Christ while facing day after day of pain and other struggles. It is wonderful that you have used your illness as a springboard for ministering to others. I know you are finding the blessing in doing so.
Be blessed today.
Joy
Joy, no words… beautiful!
Joy,
Beautiful words here… Faith filled. (Nanette, thank you for sending me the note to not miss this. ❤️)
I live at that intersection as well… but from a unique perspective~ I’ve been healed of disease and my husband experience healing in the ICU to everyone’s amazement… So I KNOW healing in an intimate way. Yet suffering now in life with Fibro I am still believing for healing, yet living out healing in more ways while I wait on the physical healing. Like the sharing of encouragement to many others through my ministry website and other places. God has brought wonderful opportunities for blessing inside it all.
Thank you for sharing because it encourages us all! Blessings more and plenty I pray for you, Joy!
Heather
A sincere thanks for reading and responding to the post. I wish you a lifetime of continued health.
I rest in the assurance that God is enough, and He’s got this!
I’m sorry for the pain that you suffer, and for the added pain of being misunderstood by fellow Christians. I’m one of those who enjoy “perfect health” – unless you count struggles with anxiety and depression. I’ve so often wondered about the apparent caprice of God’s healing hand. Thank you for writing honestly about your experiences with illness and faith!
Thank you for your very kind words. I am sorry about your physical challenges, but
happy the post ministered to you.
May you also be blessed!
Joy
Thank you so much for sharing this. I suffer from bouts of chronic fatigue and all you say has really spoken to me. Whatever the reason for not receiving permanent healing I know that God gives us the grace and the strength to endure in the valleys as you say. Bless you, much grace and strength to you.
Barbie,
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate you reading the post. God is indeed good. As I mentioned in the post, he does not base his love for us on what we can or cannot do. Thanks for your prayers, and understanding.
Be blessed!
Joy
I don’t know why God calls some two walk the road of physical conditions. But I do know that He is good, all the time. I pray for healing for you. I am thankful for the perspective you have on life despite your struggles.
Brain fog is a struggle all by itself. Your insight into the physical and spiritual battles is a real blessing. Being able to see the lessons learned makes the day to day issues seem less significant. I understand we all go through down times I would think it unusual not to, After all, we are mere humans! No one enjoys suffering, but the suffering is what makes us stronger, yet compassionate people.
Thank you for your comments.
Be blessed.
Joy
Thank you for reading the post, and for your kind words. I can empathize with your daily struggles. Staying positive and listening to your body are important. It is a comfort knowing that His strength is perfect.
Be blessed!
Joy
Chris,
Thank you! Your words really ring true with me. I appreciate the comments you made more than you know. I feel ministered to and encouraged. Thank you for reminding me about the stories behind some beautiful hymns. Knowing those stories makes them all the more special.
I am going to remind myself that I am a soul with a body! You have great insight.
Be blessed today.
Joy
My sweet “Joy”. Your words ring with the truth. We think we are bodies with a soul when the truth is we are souls with with a body. Your soul is healthier and stronger than the average person and. They. Just. Do. Not. Understand.
The intersection is temporary by its very nature. You’re moving in the pathway He set for you and walking in Life and not stuck at that intersection. Behind every hymn was a story and oh how painful and awesome were those stories surrounded by praise. He shows Himself faithful to faithful. Our bodies are not our own they have been paid with a price and that great price was paid in pain.
You were well named. He dances over you with joy.
Blessings. ~. Chris
Joy: I’ve thought of you and your wonderful words of encouragement many times since last week and shared it with others. I wanted to tell you about a word of encouragement I received from a close friend of sister who lives in Texas. While talking with “Brenda” today, I was able to be very open and honest regarding the severe pain disabling pain emotional, spiritual fatigue that accompanies it and she made a comment about two blind women who had caretakers due to their disability; they may have been disabled physically but not spiritually, as they became spiritual warriors/intercessors and were responsible for a huge Revival. It blessed be tremendously and confirmed what God had talking to me about. He needed my undivided attention so He could help me become what He wanted to me be. Yes, I believe the same is for you. Thank you once again and continue to be a blessing to others. Donna
Joy, what a great outlook you have and such a blessing to so many that suffer. I live with firbomyalgia…can’t imagine how tough you have it each day. I am stopping by from Essential thnig Devotions linkup. Have a wonderful weekend.
Nodding plenty as I read this. But not too much – don’t want to stir up the brain fog 😉 I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and can wholeheartedly relate to and agree with your wise words here. Recently a lady said she was sorry that one so young should have to deal with this. Honestly I was taken aback. How to explain to her the blessing in it all? Sure I get down about it from time to time. But through CFS God has taught me so much. I have been prayed over too, as per the James passage. Thus far God has seen fit to heal me spiritually but not physically. I am okay with that. Not because I enjoy the struggles, but that I see a bigger picture in it all. I am grateful for this journey He has me on. Blessings 🙂
Thank you for reading and commenting on this post. I hope you found some encouragement.
Blessings,
Joy
Lisa,
Thank you for your comments. I agree, it would be nice if the world were a more compassionate place. I have to tell you what I tell Nannette. Just because someone else has what you perceive as a more painful problem, does not make your problem any less painful. Don’t be hard on yourself! There are plenty of people to do that for you! We have to stick together.
Blessings,
Joy
We live in such a crazy world. Sigh. As if it’s not enough to have a chronic illness, you also have to deal with such massive misunderstandings about it from others. I appreciate you sharing the lessons you’ve learned through the years. I have a small amount of chronic pain (very small comparatively!), but nonetheless, it’s taught me a lot about myself that I needed to learn. A great post, Joy! Thanks, Nannette, for sharing her with us.
Thank you for sharing the challenges you face. We are often baffled by why God allows us to suffer, and there aren’t easy answers. What an insightful post. Visiting from Thought Provoking Thursday. Blessings!
Anna,
Thank you for your positive comments. I’m going to remember the “I’m still here” line, and give it a try. 🙂
Blessings to you!
Joy
This is a great piece that tells the story so well. People are always asking me, “How are you today?” to which I usually respond, “I’m still here.” Then if they are interested in hearing more, they have an opening to ask me about it.
Thanks, Nannette. I love the title of your blog!
Blessings!
~Anna Popescu
Agreed
Rita,
Thank you for reading and commenting on this post. I pray you found it encouraging.
Blessings to you,
Joy
Thank you for stopping by to read this post. I appreciate and agree with everything you had to say. Feel free to share with others.
Blessings to you!
Joy
Thanks for your kind words. You have great insight. Attitudes change slowly, but your words affirm that there are people who genuinely care. Blessings to you for sharing your heart.
Beautiful Joy! I cannot even begin to comprehend what it feels like for you to be walking the physical walk you experience each day. I realize that most people really don’t want to hear about your chronic illness and an “I’m fine” is the easiest answer. However, your honesty here in this space is needed and more people should listen to your words. I appreciate your words and honest struggles. I pray that we all may become more understanding toward others and accepting of all. Blessings!
Thanks for this encouraging and wise words. I read it with all my heart.
What a powerful post, Joy, and words that so many need to hear! Although my physical issues pale in comparison to many, I’m surprised at how callous the body of Christ can be at times. We need more people of compassion and mercy to love on those with chronic illnesses, not induce guilt! Thank you for sharing your perspective.
I’m stopping by from the Wedded Wednesday’s link-up. 🙂
Jen @ Being Confident of This
Sharon,
You have great insight. Your comments ministered to me! I really do hear and understand what you are saying. I too have been plagued with self doubt, and have been too hard on myself. Nonetheless, I think It may require more faith to keep on walking with a disease than it does to be healed. I like your last line about walking through fears. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Be blessed,
Joy
Margo,
Thank you for your comment. There are definitely many people who need to hear that they are not alone in their suffering. The big picture can feel so overwhelming, but taking one day at a time is all that is required.
Be blessed,
Joy
Joy, this was powerful! I so enjoy the fact that you have boldly addressed the subject of physical issues at the intersection of faith. Quite often, I battle debilitating anxiety, and believe me, the things that I have heard are mostly unhelpful, and sometimes cruel. Because my struggles with anxiety cannot be measured in a blood test or CAT scan, a lot of people think it’s just “all in my head” – well yeah, in one sense it is! I must admit that I myself have at times also been very hard on myself. Judging myself to be a lousy Christian with little faith, I have listened to the lies of the enemy. And this accomplishes nothing.
I remember that Paul himself asked God three times to remove his *thorn* – and God chose not to do it. I sincerely doubt that it was because Paul wasn’t drumming up enough faith!
So, when we are not healed physically, I do believe that God will find a way to heal our weary spirits. And perhaps, that is the sum of faith after all. Turning to Him, whether He fixes everything or not – seeking HIM above all else.
Loved your post, and as you can see, it triggered some deep feelings in me. Thank you for that.
And yes, let’s stick together – all of us who are honest about our struggles, our aches and pain, our challenges. Faith isn’t being fearless, it’s walking forward through our fears.
GOD BLESS!
Thank you for your encouraging words, there are so many who live with chronic conditions and need the tools to go on, one day at a time!
Shannon,
Thank you for your comment! It sounds as if you have a great attitude despite your suffering. I’m sure God has used that as a source of blessing to those around you. We will most likely continue to have some uncomfortable feelings about our spiritual and physical challenges. Know you are not alone. We will understand it all some day.
Blessings,
Joy
Candace,
Thank you for your comment. I am glad you have found the blessing of ministering to others who suffer. Nothing can teach compassion quite like having walked through your own difficulties! Keep sharing your story with those who need to hear it.
Blessings,
Joy
Donna,
Thank you for reading and commenting. I really do understand and empathize with the challenges you are facing. Chronic pain and disease really do take so many things from us, including careers and dreams. It is hard to let go of things that define us. I pray you will find a way to make the most of the blessings that remain.
You are not alone.
Joy
Michelle,
Thanks for your comment! I am glad you have a good support system, and your self assurance. That makes the difficult times more bearable. Hope this week will be a good one for you.
Blessings,
Joy
Thanks so much for just sharing something that I can relate to! It is a tough “intersection’ for sure. I am just glad to have a family that understands. I am blessed by that, and knowing I still have a purpose, despite being held back by illness. Blessings to you, thanks again.
Wow! I’m so thankful for your article especially your honesty! I suffered two cervical injuries the 2nd severe whiplash injury but was misdiagnosed n treated for 10 years as chronic migraines before the truth was discovered. I had suffered two herniated discs C4-5 g C5-6. I had surgery at this area but continued to suffer severely which led to surgical implant of cervical neurostimuator a year later n revision four months later. Sometimes you ask is it worth all the pain n expense to only be disappointed once again. Summary I’ve been strugglng with my chronic pain for 15 years now. I’ve been off work for 4 years n determined permanently n completey.from any form of work. As if the pain was not enough it was made worse by having to accept that I could not return to work as a paralegal at the law firm I had to take medical leave on two occasions…my dream of working at the DA.s office was now put on indefinite hold. Not to mention the ministry of teaching drug n alciholic rehab and mentoring other young christians. I thought surely God would heal me so I could continue His work. But.His ways are not our ways. As you pointed out some of our greatest disppointments and hurts often come from fellow Christians. Yes! I’ve struggled for years with those who questioned my faith. I’ve too have grown deeper roots for it. I experience an awesome time of prayer and have been priviledged to write many sermons/teaching articles. Yes I may not be in every.service but its not because I don’t want to be its because I often can’t even stand n walk a small area less prepare to get ready drive,sit thru several hours of service then drive home. Did I mention I live alone and 16 miles out of town. Basic daily living skills are quite challenging when you are sufferng from inflamed facet joints or occipital neuralgia. I try to be very sympathetic to others suffering from mild to severe conditions.
I can’t agree more with your statement: “This meeting place of faith and disease should not be a place of guilt, or blame.” Adding guilt to an already difficult situation only compounds the problem. So many times I have asked why God hasn’t healed me from mental health issues, such as depression, that I have dealt with my entire life. I’m finally realizing part of it is to share my story with others struggling with these issues. Thank you for sharing your story here, Joy. Many blessings to you!
The place between the spiritual and physical is definitely awkward. When I was first diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder at age 25, I struggled with the question of why God wouldn’t heal me. I prayed and others prayed, but the disease wouldn’t go away.
I finally realized that I want God’s purposes to be accomplished in my life–whatever they are. If for some reason His purposes can only be accomplished with me having this disorder, then I want to be faithful despite having it.